Where I’ve Been…
Dear Reader —
Hello from the writing bunker. Wow, has it been a long time. It’s been a crazy year, Radiance released back in February and has performed far, far beyond my wildest dreams. Sales have been steady and constant, and the feedback from everyone has been 100% positive (what? I didn’t even know that was possible.)
And all I have to say is, this is direct evidence that there is indeed a God (thee God) sitting in heaven because I have contributed virtually nothing to marketing this book or helping it succeed. Why? Because this has been the craziest year of my entire life. Some of it I can share, some of it I will keep private, but let’s start with book launch season….
February/March…
Radiance launches, yay… I learned doing ARCs are not for me, and the launch that is much more my style is doing a big, fat book and audiobook giveaway and not asking for any reviews, or having any expectations at all.
I intended to do pretty book mail packages and lots of extras…and due to budgetary constraints, that just didn’t happen. Oh well. Maybe next time. Such is the life of a single-income family.
Radiance performed far, far beyond my expectations. Between KU, Audible, and print, we’ve outsold the “typical” lifetime indie numbers. Meaning what an indie author can expect to sell in the lifetime of their book, we’re already beyond that.
The audiobook, if you were eagle-eyed, even made it to the #1 spot on Amazon for my category. Pretty cool!
April
I learn that my son has been struggling with a medical issue for the last nine years, and never told anyone. We start the process of trying to get him into see a specialist/surgeon. In the midst of that we are completing FAFSA, financial aid, scholarships, etc, trying to figure out how in the world to afford the massive college tuition bill staring me down. See the above. Single-income family…finances are usually a headache.
May
After a routine Bojangle biscuit makes me want to puke, I start to realize that I haven’t felt 100% in weeks. I pick up a pregnancy test during a pharmacy visit to pick up other meds. I go to the bathroom and take it. As the window starts to activate I realize that the control line is on the wrong side, and then the actual control line starts to appear. What? I mean…WHAT? I am 39 years old. My oldest son is graduating in three days. I am literally about to cross the parenting finish line. What is happening?
I call my sister and have a literal freak out on the phone, feeling like Sarah from the Bible. My youngest son is 15. How am I going to do this? How am I going to afford this? Isn’t my body too old for this?
Three days later, oldest graduates with honors. Yay… I cried through the whole thing.
June
I go to my first OB appointment, knowing they will do an ultrasound to confirm. I am not entirely convinced this is pregnancy and not a menopausal trick of my ancient and dusty ovaries. I can’t remember exactly how far along I am but I think I might have last been fertile in March. MARCH. (Why in the world did I not recognize the signs before May…I have no idea).
I lay down on the table and chuckle to the lady…ha ha ha my kids are fifteen and eighteen….I don’t think this is real. Not sure there’s a baby in there.
The sentence is still hanging in mid-air when she touches the doppler thing to my belly and a big-screen image of my baby pops up on the screen, literally waving at me. It’s a full-grown baby. At least it looks that way to me—-and this baby is ACTIVE. Jumping, flipping, waving, dancing. My mouth is on the ground.
The ultrasound tech chuckles and says, “oh there’s a baby in there alright.”
Said waving baby. Notice the smile. It knows it's funny.
July
Whew. I’ve done it. I’m halfway through the year. I’m not sure I can take much more of 2024. And I am SO sick. And beyond tired. Like I cannot keep my eyes open for more than an hour at a time. Turns out when you’re a geriatric pregnancy (thanks for that terminology medical community) everything hurts. Everything is tired. Everything is doing what it can to just function.
I develop dumb-dumb brain. I cannot think. I cannot keep my thoughts organized. All writing ceases. All work ceases. I am literally in bed all day everyday with symptoms akin to sea-sickness. It’s been a while since I was pregnant, but this is WAY different than my last go around with said 15 year old teenager.
Meanwhile, my oldest son finally gets in to see a specialist at our local alternative hospital. And the process is like pulling teeth. We get a diagnosis by being persistent. He is told he will be scheduled for surgery. And…then we don’t hear from them.
Midway through this month I find out after 2 boys, and 2 miscarriages, I am having a girl. More on this in the next blog.
My sister comes to visit. On a trip up to Pretty Place I have a near death experience with my youngest son in the front seat, when a car comes around a steep mountain curve and flips about fifteen times right in front of me and comes to a stop only a few feet from my car. I stay with the people trapped and injured in the car til paramedics arrive. I never find out if everyone survived. If you’re reading this, I hope you all are ok!
August
Please God, let this year get easier. One of our cars takes a crap. I spend weeks trying to find something else that can fit me and three kids with no money. We find a car after days of trying. Meanwhile I have to pay an ENORMOUS global fee to my OB. This is new. Wasn’t a thing fifteen years ago when I was pregnant with my youngest.
An ultrasound at Maternal Fetal Medicine (high risk doc) reveals my daughter has inherited her grandfather’s intense dislike of medical professionals, and my stubbornness. She has nestled in a bad position and will not cooperate or move. They cannot see what they need to in her heart. They send me home and tell me to rest and try again in a month.
Oldest son starts college. It’s rough on him and me. But we manage.
Then, oldest son is scheduled for surgery after weeks of not hearing anything. Woo hoo.
September
Oldest son’s surgery is rescheduled the day before he is supposed to go in. Doc had an emergency. Won’t be back until December. We can’t get him in again until the day you are supposed to have your baby. Obviously that won’t work so surgery is rescheduled for January. Oldest son is still in discomfort. Jesus take the wheel.
Ultrasound appointment with MFM goes much, much better. Different tech, MUCH less pain. They see all the chambers of her heart, her blood flow, the blood flow in the umbilical cord. She has flipped to a breech position, which isn’t ideal, but a whole lot better. Baby girl cooperates but I have to flip back and forth on each side several times so they can see what they need to. She punches the tech the entire way through the ultrasound, which this tech finds funny and not annoying (God bless it).
The day oldest son’s surgery was supposed to happen a person in my family whom I provide care for has a meltdown of epic proportions. In one week, paramedics come and take this person to the hospital by ambulance twice. If you know what the journey has been here, just be assured it’s a huge struggle. I have a total emotional break because this year has just been a little too much I sob and throw a pot of potatoes. It doesn’t make me feel better. I call my sister who prays over me and things begin to get better.
I ask for prayers on instagram and God reminds me He’s been here because He doesn’t get lost and doesn’t need to be found—-and oh I don’t know Ashley, maybe you try surrendering? So I do.
Thanks to prayers… this person is now on their way to getting in-patient care but we have a long row to hoe. Continued prayers for permanent care are so needed. With the baby coming, I have hit the limit of what I can do.
And…. now it’s time to launch book 2, The Splendor of Fire….
LOL are you thinking, book? What book? Ah…. welcome to my world. That is where I’ve been dear reader. Thank you for your patience and understanding. I’ll share more in my next blog about the writing process on this book, which will be a much more fun read.
Love,
Ashley
